Jul 13, 2010

TOAR: Crash Course to Corporate TAKEOVER!!!


For all of my readers who are wondering who the hell TOAR is, she's one of my good friends from college. We both have interesting blogs/lives, at least that's what we like to think hehe! Sporadically, we're going to tag each other's blogs with stories guest posts. So, everyone raise your champagne glasses to TOAR's first post on GAB!

Hey Everybody!

I just want to thank GAB for letting me use her blog for my random writing chaos that you will read in a few seconds (or minutes depending on how slow you are lol jk) My name is Lynn and my "webhome" is Thoughts of a Randomista. I am a 21 year old college student studying Financial Accounting/Reporting and Accounting Information Systems... (we have fights frequently because crap doesn't like to balance, URGH!) Anyway, I like to blog about Twilight ♥TEAM EDWARD ♥, Movies and Entertainment, Relationships, and Random-Disgusting-Raunchy-EMO-Hilarious things that may come across my path while living in a big city like Detroit, Michigan - which happens frequently. In a nut shell: I talk shit. GAB and I have been friends for about 3 years and have taken countless accounting classes together. I don't know what I would have done without her. Now she is off making ARAB MONEY without me. (No racial pun intended, it's just that yall are ballin').

Now, back to what's important: CORPORATE FRICKIN' TAKEOVER!?

I have been interning at a HUGE not-for-profit company in Southfield, MI as a Business Process Analyst. There are 4 other interns in the department with me: Gina, Karen, Bill, and James. Gina, Karen, and James are GREAT to work with but Bill, yeah – I'll talk about him in a few. Gina and I are like best fricking friends now! You know when you are around someone so much you get annoyed? Not with her – It's easy as Sunday morning, especially considering we share a cube.

The company had a tornado drill in the first week to "protect its employees in case of an emergency." It was great not only because "it was for safety precautions," but because we were all stuck in a stairwell for about 15 mins and I got meet a lot of new people within the first day! You know- the average 'BIG WIGS' lol. We also had a lot of reading to do to get caught up on current business processes. BORING. We recently finished the planning phase for a big project mandate by getting locked in a room for days to "tie up loose ends."


When you are stuck in a room…..
With the same people…
For 5 days…
You start to notice things.
HUGE, BALL BUSTING, IRRITATING, RETARDED THINGS!

For example, a contractor named Nick has to disagree with everything – kinda like Bill who I will cut a new hole into in a short while. Nick and I had a tiny conflict because as you know I am an intern, bottom of the barrel, and apparently with a "TREAT ME LIKE SHIT" sign stuck on my frickin' forehead. I'd been talking to Nick and it seemed as if he isn't paying attention – which was cool with me; at this point, I didn't care. Then he just blurted out "I am paying attention to you." I said, "Ok….." and continued with my thought. Then this dumbass states "I act like an ass when I don't care about what people are saying to me." In a very assertive-I'm-gonna-kill-you-bitch-firm voice while looking him dead in the eyes, I said: "Ok, well you might want to listen to what I have to say." He looked terrified and shocked because I am an intern and I shouldn't have said anything. HAHAHA – HOW MUCH RESPECT DID I EARN THIS DAY!?

So I do not like Nick already and since he has to disagree with EVERYTHING, it didn't make it better that he obviously hates interns. In this room, he disagrees with the new ideas or old ideas that needed to be validated, he would look around the room as if he is looking for someone's approval or to see if anyone is agreeing with him. But OMG, DON'T LET THE NUMBERS BE WRONG! Another contractor Greg– his subordinate, made a table and some of the numbers were off by a little. He asks Greg "Did Bill come up with these numbers?" WDF, just because he is an intern doesn't mean that they are wrong because he did it! Everyone wanted to continue viewing the table to get the basic understanding of it and Nick would not let Greg hear the end of the wrong numbers. Every five seconds – "those numbers are wrong so we can't make a clear decision." "Since the numbers are wrong…" "the numbers are wrong…"

OK BITCH, WE GET IT! THE NUMBERS ARE WRONG! CAN WE JUST MOVE ON?!
Anywho, Bill and I attend the same school. Thankfully, I never had a class with him because he would get on my damn nerves there too. Bill is the guy that is so analytical, he can't have fun. He asks questions about everything. "Why did you do that?" "Why can't you do it this way?" "Why do you laugh at ridiculously long-words-that-no-normal-human being-can-physically-pronounce-and-you-don't-know-the-meaning-to?" – Because bitch, it's funny.

It's what, why, how with him all the time – it pisses me off. Bill asked me "Why is your facebook private?" I told him that in all honesty (this is a true statement) I have hater's and stalkers that like to do mean things to me on facebook. Then He asks "why? Do you have something on there you don't want anyone to see?" My response to this was, no! It's nothing like that – I just like to be in control over who see's what and who adds me as a friend. This is the obvious answer, right?

WRONG! This dude said "You must be insecure."

WDF am I supposed to do with that?! Bill almost died that day.

What I learned about the Corporate world is - - Everyone is an Asshole. There are BIG assholes and little ones. But the real challenge is:

Are you going to let someone RAPE YOURS? Hahaha.
 
Thanks for reading. Follow/ Comment... It makes us horny!

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